Ready to lose weight?

That statement confounds me. I can’t imagine a world where someone replies with “no, I’m not ready yet. Let me finish off this German Chocolate Cake smoothie first, and then I’ll be ready.” I think we’re always ready to lose weight, even if we aren’t. The number of people in the US that are disappointed they went down a couple numbers on the scale is exactly in the range of one - the dude going for the “world’s fattest man” gig at Barnum and Bailey’s Bigtop Extravaganza.

That does bring to mind another question, though. I saw the “ready to lose weight” sign walking down Belmont ave, and isn’t that a slap in the face for all the homeless that call that street home? (speaking of, when you’re homeless can you really call anywhere “home”? Aren’t they “places I haven’t been kicked out of yet”?) These people are trying to scrounge enough cash to eat, and we’ve got the audacity to eat so much that we need to lose the excess. It’s like setting up a regulation basketball court in the land of Oompa Loompas. Do you really want to attract NBA centers to Oz to remind these oompa loompas that the closest they’ll come to dunking involves an Oreo and some 2% milk?

Anyway, that all aside. I’m ready to lose weight. After I finish my german chocolate cake smoothie, of course.

Also, if you haven’t noticed, I’ve abandoned the traditional format of writing wherein a story has a beginning, middle and end. I’m kinda just writing. Stream of consciousness, with minimal editing. Should be good times.