Fleeing the flu

My company is having their flu shots today. I refuse to get flu shots because once you get the vaccination, you’re going to get the flu. It’s like a fucked up version of The Secret, where your self actualization manifests itself in the form of contagious disease. That’s how polio got so popular you know; initially, the vagabonds thought they were spreading the popular game of polo. Oh, 30’s era paperboys - you’re quaint charm is made even more quainter when you’re cat calling today’s headlines from inside an iron lung. Oh, how I’d hug you to kingdom come if you weren’t so susceptible to collapsing under my weight.

Anyway, despite this indisputable historical evidence, I’m considering a flu shot this year. There are multiple reasons for this, the primary being - shit, they’re on *sale*. Seriously, if I learned anything during my years in the rave subculture, is when you can get medical grade shit on the cheap, you run - don’t walk to the nearest glowstick necklace you find, dance for 15 minutes to the throbbing beat of Moby, stop and watch as the speakers morph into palm trees swaying to the sound of 5 multi-colored par cans, comfort a 13 year old girl enjoying her first hit of Ecstacy, then go find the dude in the lab coat and let him take care of your needs. Then go get the medical grade drugs.

I haven’t been upset with a prescription since.